King Mohg the First and the Very Sensible Arrangement
Before the bones were shared, before the squeaks were studied, before history learned to take notes, King Mohg the First faced a simple truth about the Kingdom of Bleb:
Someone had to do the cooking.
Mohg considered this deeply.
He sat upon the throne.
He frowned.
He observed a pot boiling over while three perfectly capable dogs watched it with concern but no plan.
This would not do.
Thus began the Great Invitation.
Messengers were sent beyond Bleb with a clear and carefully worded proposal:
Seeking humans who enjoy warmth, purpose, and being sat on.
Skills requested: cooking, cleaning, patience, and excellent snuggling.
Compensation: room, board, affection, and being told “good job” daily.
To the court’s surprise, humans arrived in great numbers.
Some said they liked the quiet.
Some said they enjoyed folding laundry while being supervised.
Many admitted—sheepishly—that they had always wanted to be chosen.
King Mohg the First met each personally.
He sniffed their hands.
He leaned against their legs.
He tested their laps.
Those who tensed were politely redirected.
Those who sighed and adjusted were welcomed.
Thus, every household in Bleb received a Human Butler—not owned, not ordered, but assigned with care. Humans cooked meals that mysteriously fell to the floor “by accident.” They cleaned while narrating their work aloud. They learned the difference between outside shoes and inside feelings.
At night, when the halls grew quiet, the humans sat.
And the dogs climbed.
Snuggles became law.
When asked by a visiting dignitary whether this arrangement was fair, King Mohg the First replied:
“They seem happier when useful.
We seem happier when warm.
This is balance.”
And so it was written into the earliest charter of Bleb:
Every home shall have a human who knows where the snacks are,
and every human shall have a dog who knows when it is time to rest.
History would later call this reign visionary.
The humans called it
the first place they ever truly belonged.