Official Court Record of Bleb
Filed under: Civic Incidents, Minor (But Embarrassing)
Date: The 14th Day of the Third Chew, Year of Shared Bones
Regarding:
The Incident of the Missing Femur (It Was Under the Throne)
Presiding:
King Mohg the Second, Bonefinder, Distributor of Plenty,
Seated. Watching. Waiting.
Statement of Concern:
At the second bell after midday, it was brought to the court’s attention that The Ceremonial Femur of Unity—used during public decrees and occasionally for emphasis—could not be located.
Initial assumption: Theft.
Secondary assumption: Sabotage.
Tertiary assumption: Someone definitely hid it and is pretending not to know.
Testimony of Sir Barksalot, Captain of the Guard:
“No one entered or exited the throne room unsupervised.
Also, respectfully, everyone present has very innocent faces.”
(At this point, His Majesty stared directly at Lord Sniffington until Lord Sniffington stopped smiling.)
Testimony of Lord Sniffington, Minister of Resources:
“I categorically deny possessing the femur.
I already have three at home, and that is plenty.”
The court reminded Lord Sniffington that this was not helping.
Testimony of Duchess Pippa, Keeper of the Bone Ledger:
“The femur was logged at sunrise, polished at mid-morning, and—
…oh.
That ledger page has chew marks.”
Ledger dismissed as unreliable witness.
Investigation Findings:
- No signs of forced entry
- No muddy pawprints
- No unusual behavior, except His Majesty periodically tilting his head and wagging once, very slowly
Resolution:
At the fourth bell, the Royal Page attempted to sweep beneath the throne.
The femur was found directly underneath, gently gnawed on one end and unmistakably royal in saliva pattern.
Silence fell upon the court.
King Mohg the Second looked down.
Then up.
Then made no attempt to stand.
Royal Decree:
His Majesty issued the following statement:
“I was thinking with my mouth.”
No further clarification was provided.
Final Ruling:
- The femur was returned to ceremonial duty
- A smaller “thinking bone” was placed beside the throne for future contemplation
- The throne room would henceforth be swept before accusations
Addendum:
The court notes that morale improved significantly following the incident.
Laughter was recorded.
Trust was restored.
Lord Sniffington was told, once again, to stop hiding things in his sleeves.
Filed and sealed by:
The Royal Scribe (who would like it noted he was correct the entire time)